fallen soldier

by deej

the unravelling of my mind is uncontrollable
at the seemingly endless stream of thoughts.
three cigarettes later and the shaking quells.
light-headed and heavy hearted,
the contradictory physical implications to my body
creates a registration in my neurological system to be un-feeling.
and in that few moments of mental vulnerability,
my inner self speaks freely after months
of being caged and keeping her silence to pacify my desires.
“this must no longer resume.
I’ve let you wallow for far too long.
you must face this long-put-off reality
and give me a chance to live.
I am you and I want to live.
Let me take over and
I will allow you your moments to yourself.”
I sigh, defeated, tired and broken.
I lay down my struggling arms.