Jamaica Farewell

by deej

the sunlight creeps up the walls and climbs back down before eventually disintegrating into shadows as the day bleeds into night and i struggle to find something else, anything else, to fill the thoughts that haunt me and keep me awake.

the ache in my heart has worn out to a dull gnawing throb beneath my breasts.
it hasn’t subsided a bit since you’ve been gone, my body has adjusted itself to harness the complete and utter loneliness and misery that my heart feels.
heavy, and completely terrible for my posture.
i feel numbed. my eyes won’t cry despite the breathlessness of my lungs.

my face will not smile anymore.
instead, when i look in the mirror, i see the lines of my face stone cast, not lifting. my cheeks feel heavy. my lips feel heavy. smiling is such a hard feat.

and so i sit bracing the morning sun
as the sky lights up in orange and pink
till the sunshine hurts my eyes.
waiting is all i have left to do.
but i don’t know if that’s what i should do